Meeting Women At Bars

6 07 2007

This is not what you think it is. This is an old favorite of mine. In 2007, a link was posted on fark.com to some article with advice from bartenders for men on picking up women. I think it was in the tired form of a list of numbered rules. It was primarily lame advice. To bartenders, it seems important to impress women by buying drinks and tipping a lot. We also learned, the three-minute rule, that if she’s not interested after three minutes, it’s time to move on to the next skank.

Some Farker named Mayhem_King had the following comment:

I dunno. It seems to me that being funny in a nice way usually works pretty well. So does asking the right questions and actually listening to the answers. Also, when complimenting a woman, make a sincere compliment about something that you are sure that she is never complimented about. If it is obvious that she has made an extra-effort with anything that you can visually identify, compliment her on that.

And if that 3-minute thing actually worked, I’d still be a virgin. Most women I’ve slept with… if not all, told me that I made a bad first impression and they were not at all interested.

Anytime I’ve ever spent too much money trying to impress a girl; it’s ended in failure. Whenever I’ve tried to spend as little as possible and make up for it in planning and thoughtfulness, I’ve been able to hook up with girls significantly out of my range.

Of course being manipulative doesn’t hurt either. Ask lots of open-ended questions and then mirror their interests back at them a few minutes down the road. She tells you that she likes gardening. A several minutes later, you tell a story and somehow work gardening into it.

I think it also helps to look at a woman and think sexy thoughts. I also find that if I act as if I’m her paid escort, my behavior shifts. I become more concerned about the needs of my “client” rather than my own. I become more attentive. I become more courteous. I act with more confidence.

After I’ve finally slept with her, I remove what I consider to be a fair amount of cash from her purse to compensate me for my time. If I don’t, my wife will beat me when I get home. The second I get in the door, she’s already asking me how much I’ve earned for the night. If I come up short, she will beat my ass. I know that she loves me but business is business and sometimes she has to do things that she doesn’t want to for the sake of our marriage. Besides, if I come up short for the night, it’s my fault.

–Mayhem_King

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