D. Lynn Thompson writes:
Of course genders are different. Anyone who says otherwise is not too terribly observant. Gender is not something that can be removed. All people “do gender” in some fashion. To say that all members of any gender are the same, however would be misguided and equally unobservant.
Actually, part of my inspiration for the topic comes from a series of posts by someone who goes by 11minutes over at alpha status, titled “Women are all the same.” I highly recommend this for everyone, and I’ll link them all since they’re not all together. If you despise gender stereotyping and/or pick-up artistry, you might want to skip it.
He contends that within genders, we are very much alike in terms of what we are attracted to, that we all want the same thing. Men all want physically attractive young women, and women all want the alpha male. They more literally want the same thing, as there is only one best. Attracting women is the number one thing a man can do to attract other women. A complaint that men often have is that women are interested in them when they are seeing someone and ignore them when they are single. This is why “yes” might just be the best answer to the questi0n “is she your girlfriend?”
In Part IV, 11minutes links to an interesting study showing differences between the qualities in a mate that people report looking for, and their behavior. Within genders, the behavior is quite similar, with men going for physical beauty and women going for earning potential. Now, the actual subjects of the study are young college students, and we don’t know if people in their 30’s or 40’s behave the same way.
D. Lynn Thompson asked:
Why are women sluts and whores but not men? Men can be, of course, but the labels are not generally there.
Really? That old question? The basis of this double standard is, I’m sure, genetic. For a male to ensure that his genes pass on, he needs to make sure he’s the one who gets his woman pregnant. This is a problem that obviously doesn’t exist for females. Females, as in other mammals, are attracted to the alpha. Whether or not they like this fact or even understand it, as I was saying above, women are drawn to men that other women are drawn to. There is a flip-side to this double standard which is that female virgins are prized while male virgins are considered losers. “Nice guys” do complain about this, and their frustration seems to stem from expecting women to be like they are and value purity. Pure women do not complain about this.
Basically, the difference between the sexes are more significant than we prefer to believe and similarities within the sexes in terms of mate selection are stronger than we think. If we recognize that these traits are more than cultural inventions, we can direct less energy at protesting them and more toward dealing with things as they are. I do think that many or all traits that primarily belong to one gender are sometimes present in the other. There are alpha females sometimes.