We’re Different! Part III

18 02 2010

So, I just popped onto OkCupid and found an awesome example of the problems caused by failing to understand the differences between men and women when it comes to sexual attraction. I found this thread in the Help forum, which I think is actually for tech support.

This is the orignal poster:

Patman846: so i been on this site for almost a year now. i lost count on how many women i’ve messaged since then. most of them just don’t reply. it’s like they look at my picture & dont even do anything. be straight up with me: am i really that freakin bad looking that women just just can’t give a chance to? seriously i know that im no johnny depp, robert pattinson, brad pitt etc. but i dont think i look as horrible as “fat basterd” or “freddie kruger.” in fact i think i look real good since i lost 70 lbs. this past year. lol u should have seen the “big boy” pix i started with on this site. is there actually any women out there who care more about personality than looks? im sure there is. correct me if im wrong but aren’t the more “hot musular skinny” lookin guys more likely to cheat on their girl than an average would? i mean no wonder women are always gettin broken hearts. see that what happens when you care more bout the looks than personality

Oh, dear God. You’re a mess. Your shift keys don’t work, and you mix plural and singular. These make you appear stupid, which isn’t very attractive to women. Plus, you think your think looks matter that much. Quit thinking that women are like men. “More likely to cheat” means that a guy is desirable, and must be better. Women are not wired to worry so much about infidelity because it is not necessary for them to pass on their genes, and the man who has many women is likely to be more able to protect a family (higher physical dominance/status) than one who has none. This is not to say that they don’t care, but they are wired quite differently when it comes to sexual attraction.

Then this less hopeless guy popped in:

freedom999: I would wager that looks are as important to a girl as they are to a guy.

Natural selection my friend.

At least you can lose weight to make yourself more desirable. I’ll always be 5’5 and considered “too short” for many to even consider; even though being tall enough to look over fields of grass for predators isn’t a vital element of our survival anymore.

You’re all kinds of wrong. Looks are not nearly as important to a girl as they are to you. Looks really only come into play if you’re considered hot, which most guys aren’t, but a man does not need to be hot to be successful with women. OkCupid researched this and noticed that women on the site are far more picky about which men they say they find physically attractive than they are about who they message and who they respond to.

Being too short means more than that. A taller man is more likely to be able to protect his family from wild animals and other humans. In the modern world it still comes into play as taller men still make better providers than shorter men, but that doesn’t really matter whether this trait is still useful as it’s a genetic trait, and your genes (and her genes) are in effect whether they’re useful or not.

Having said that, women here get a lot more attention here than men and can afford to be selective. Having little else to go on, your looks and height are going to come into play. I avoid women who are taller than me in their tallest shoes. Creepy or not, I prefer smaller women, but I have noticed many lopsided couples out there. FWIW, I’ve been told I’m hot enough times to believe it, and I got very little attention online when I did try.

…except from fat girls.

Also of interest (emphasis added):

Desi83 (an attractive 26 year-old woman): It says something about your lack of confidence that you automatically assume that you aren’t getting dates because you think women don’t find you attractive. Be proud of who you are, especially since you lost 70 lbs! Like someone said earlier, lose the glasses. Give us a big cocky smile in the outfit that you feel the most handsome. Confidence is sexy:)

Sometimes, women have good advice.

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3 responses

18 02 2010
kidojo

I don’t know, Caveman, there are enough vain and superficial women out there with no concept of self preservation to contradict your statement. I can’t tell you how many women I’ve known to stay with their jack-ass, incompetent but absurdly good looking boyfriends/husbands strictly for the latter trait. Why this is, I have no idea. I have a theory its because of “status quo”, or to compete with other women.
Overall, I think looks are important to women but for vastly different reasons then why they are important to men.

18 02 2010
D. Lynn Thompson

You know, it could be the fact that he makes pretzels and still does not know how to spell dough. It could be that his aspirations include wedding photography and he is getting a dgree in the arts that he will likely never use. Or it could be that he feels the need to repeatedly point out that he is neither creepy nor a “perve”, which usually indicates creepiness or perversion (Me thinks he protests too much).

19 02 2010
Snark

I can actually see why a guy who isn’t a creep or pervert would try to make it clear that he isn’t – misguided though it is. The burden is on us to prove that we’re not rapists and suchlike. Thanks again feminism!

Though, I would just straight up tell people that I’m a creepy pervert. I mutilate dolls, things like that.

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