Internet Mind-readers and the Fragile Fat Girl Ego

20 02 2010

It is as though it is my never-ending quest to make fat girls cry. Once again, I’ve found something to talk about on OkCupid’s forums. The other day, someone started a thread on titled “Fat people need their own site“, complaining that OkC shows him “matches” that he has no interest in, fat girls. On one level, I can sympathyze here as I’ve seen this myself. The site will try to introduce users to members they might be interested in based on their very interesting (but mostly nonsense)  matchmaking pseudo-science. However, dealbreakers such as being fat are completely ignored. On the other hand, there are two problems with the site for fat people. First, fat people don’t necessarily need to be paired up with other fat people. Second, there already is such a thing.

Being insensitive to the heavyset crowd doesn’t go over well. Predictably:

emote_control: Men who aren’t interested in fat women don’t complain about them.  They just look for women they’re interested in.  Men who complain about fat women are trying to overcompensate for the shame they feel at being attracted to fat women. They make all sorts of noise so that nobody will suspect they’re all about buttering rolls.  It’s tragic, really.  They should be out and proud about their fat girl love.  Otherwise they’re living a lie, and will wallow in misery.

First, I don’t like that he puts two spaces after each period, even though that’s what I was taught to do in elementary school on an Apple IIe. Second, this is complete nonsense. I have seen this kind of illogic before, but I don’t quite know how to address it. You may have heard that men who complain about homosexuals are themselves secretly gay. You may believe it. In many cases, it may well be true, but you must understand that you cannot logically conclude that someone has a secret love for anything simply because they claim to dislike it publicly. It seems to make sense regarding homosexuality as there can are high personal and social costs to accepting and declaring one’s homosexuality, and we understand the concept of protesting too much.

I hate mushrooms. I’m serious. I mean, I don’t just hate eating mushrooms. I hate seeing them or smelling them. I don’t like knowing that other people eat them. If you have just concluded that I secretly love mushrooms, I hate you too. Discerning someone’s secrets comes from the fairly non-scientific but very real and useful art of reading people, as in poker. I do not take anyone seriously who presumes to be able to employ this skill to any great effect through the internet, particularly on strangers. If police detectives suspect you may be involved in a serious crime, they will come to you or take you in and interrogate you in person. They will not e-mail you a list of questions. It is difficult enough to detect sarcasm. I assume, when I see people reading minds on the internet, that they’re projecting, but I don’t make that claim. I think this is a logical fallacy that needs a name. Someone help me.

Back to the thread…

After that, the first sympathetic reply mentioned how body type is not selectable as a match criterion, while a slew of other things are, such as zodiac sign. I must say that is rather curious. Here are all the things you can filter your search with:

  • Any combination of gender and sexual orientation (such as girls who like guys or bi girls only)
  • Minimum and Maximum age
  • Limit to within 25/50/100/250/500 miles of your zip code or any other zip code
  • How long ago they were last online
  • Exclude profiles without photos
  • Show only those who are single
  • Join Date
  • Keywords
  • Ethnicity
  • Height
  • What someone is looking for (such as long-term relationships, casual sex, etc.)
  • Smoking
  • Drinking
  • Drug Use
  • Religion
  • Zodiac Sign
  • Education
  • Job Income
  • Pets
  • Language

So, there’s all of that, but no way to exclude those who are too fat or too skinny. Why might this be?

Another mangina jumped and disagreed with emote_control above, introducing his own theory to explain why men complain about fat girls.

carlosisgod: Nah, it’s more along the lines of them being petty, spineless dicks who are looking for an easy scapegoat to pick on cause they’re overcompensating about how hopelessly mediocre and boring they really are in life.  Oh my gosh, look at the brave man picking on overweight people.  What a fucking hero.

I don’t know that this really needs to be replied to. Understand that nobody’s really said anything all that mean about fat people. Not yet anyway. Not until I had to go ahead and say this:

[…] I also think it’s valid to complain about the extremely fat people who take up more space than a human ever should.  They gross me the fuck out, not just with how they look but also they’re public eating habits.

While I’m complaining, I’d like to complain about how every time a TV news show decides that obesity is news they show all these shots of fat people walking around from the neck down. I don’t want to see that shit. And then they almost never have any useful information for fat people who want to lose weight.


You’re not an “extremely fat person.” I’m talking about the tubs of goo who ride the scooters at Walmart when they’re buying their cookies and ice cream, people who wear sweatpants because that’s all they have that fits.

You might not see much of that, but I do and I can’t stand it.

In hind sight, none of this really needed to be said. It wasn’t even all that relevant here, but I really do feel this way and it just came out. Americans disgust me. It bothers me that so many people here are so fat. Does it make you a bad person? Not really, I suppose, but if I see your fat thighs because you’re wearing sweatshorts at a sit-down restaurant as you stuff your face with shit you don’t need to be eating, I’m going to be offended. If I see another fat fuck buying junk-food with food stamps, it will make me angry. My complaint about fat people taking up too much space refers specifically to taking up too much highly demanded space. If you are a woman over 300 lbs, it will bother me to see you in a crowded bar or club. Wherever you go, you’re in the fucking way, and I don’t see how you or anyone else benefits from your being in such a place. Fat guys who are in the way bother me too, but not much more than all guys who are in the way bother me. In the context of the thread, I suppose my words were uncalled for. Maybe I really do want to make fat girls cry. Or maybe I’m just angry and like to rant.

Thankfully, the fat people’s savior decided to set me straight.

carlosisgodOh no, you’re so fucking oppressed.  What a sob story.  Who the heck are you to judge and dehumanize other people? What have you contributed to the human race?  Jack-shit.  You’re just another lazy shithead with an over-inflated sense of entitlement who’s got a chip on his shoulder cause his Daddy didn’t buy him the car he wanted when he turned sweet sixteen.  I know people who are obese who have accomplished more and contributed more to humanity in ten years than 99% of the people out there will ever accomplish or contribute in their entire fucking lives. The difference between them and you, is they wouldn’t begrudge you a damn thing.   You’re an imbecile and a whiner and an ingrate.  You got every advantage a person could have.  You’re born in the richest country,  you obviously got money and time cause you’re on the internet and look at you.   Raging against people who have weight problems.  Oh, my god.   What a fucking hero.  You’re a black hole, you suck so hard, that even with all the potential in the world, you’re still nothing. There are millions of people who would die to get a chance to live your life and have your opportunities,  and all you can do is squander it, whining about people you don’t know from fucking atom, who are already facing legitimate problems of their own.  And you talk about them being a waste of space?  Take a good long look in the mirror before you judge other people you gutless coward.

This is amazing. I’m going to save it forever. I’ve never had anyone put this much effort into hating me on the internet. I don’t know how complaining about something in my life constitutes cries of oppression, but implying so is a great way to insult me and make me look stupid. Bravo. My dad actually did buy me a car when I was 17. It was a 1982 Chevy Citation that he paid $435 for. He bought it to drive while his vehicle being repaired. Then, he gave to me. The anecdote about fat bastards contributing to humanity is a fantastic non-sequitur. It’s as if I were arguing that fat people are subhumans who ought to be ground up and fed to the hungry, or at least that thoroughly suck at everything. Following that, he stands on the premise that people who live well have no right to complain about anything. This is clearly nonsense, though I understand not getting any sympathy from people who have bigger things to worry about. When Dennis Leary became rich and famous from being in movies, did he stop complaining about vegetarians, fruit-flavored beer, and not being allowed to smoke? Carlos speaks as if he knows a lot about me, but he doesn’t. He concludes that since I’m neither underfed in Africa nor overfed in America that I have no legitimate problems. The only assumption that I’ll make about him is that he has a fat significant other.

After that, we learn something interesting. We know that fat girls don’t like or want to accept that they’re weight makes them unattractive to men. It turns out that they also don’t like when they’re weight makes them attractive to men.

-I suggested a dating site for overweight people to my friend. She said she considered it, but found that most people messaged her just because being overweight was a turn on for them and they didn’t care about her personality.

-Yep. Been there, done that! It feels terrible to be objectified at any size. Being liked and being objectified and fetishized… not the same thing. 🙂 I would always rather be liked for being me. I’m fabulous that way 😉

Hot girls get attention “just for being hot” and they don’t seem to mind. I mean, it might be unwanted attention, but they certainly aren’t creeped out that their shape attracts such attention. This is where I decided that however fragile the fragile male ego might be, it’s got nothing on the ego of the fat girl. The angry men above are so valiant and heroic in their quest to protect the poor fat girl from truth and harsh words, like “fat.” If you want the truth, you can find it in this 2005 study(pdf). It is not written for the layperson, but it’s interesting.

From the summary:

…the centrally predictable fact from HurryDate events is that women’s desirability is dominated by their relative thinness, a finding consistent with data from personal ads (Lynn & Shurgot, 1984; Sitton & Blanchard, 1995). Such findings support both theoretical emphasis on men’s attention to physical attractiveness and lay intuitions that men care most deeply about women’s body size and shape.

They studied a large number of speed-dating sessions and found BMI to be the most significant factor in men’s preferences for women. They also found physical traits to dominate men’s desirability, which is somewhat inconsistent with my views, but I have some idea why. In the speed-dating events, participants had 3 minutes with each other opposite-sex participant, more than enough time to judge someone’s looks, but not nearly enough to judge their status. Yes, you can find out what someone does for a living in that time, but it’s not enough time to shit-test a man and find out if he’s a pussy.

Anyway, I like to share this ugly truth as much as I can so that larger women who are unsatisfied with the attention they get from men (or rather with the men they get attention from) will know the number one thing they can do to change that and that their sisters, girlfriends, gay guy friends, and heroic mangina nice guy friends are all full of shit.




14 responses

21 02 2010

This was hilarious. I laughed all the way through carlosisgod’s little hate-spiel. Your paragraph before that was basically on a par with Maddox’s best rants. Great work.

21 02 2010
D. Lynn Thompson

The other problem with a “fat site” is that fat people often do not identify with being fat. Rather like your homosexual comparison. People engage in same sex behavior but do not always identify as gay.

I must agree with the poster that pointed out a lack of picture, though. This could very easily be a case of the proverbial pot. Also, under his six things he couldn’t do without, he listed seven things. I prefer people who can count at least to ten.

Last (but certainly not least), while I will be reasonable in my feminist view points (assuming that this is NOT a contradiction in terms), acknowledge the validity of the opinions of others, and will attempt to keep an open mind about those who differ from me…I will ALWAYS put two spaces after a period.

21 02 2010

you are, quite possibly, the exact physical manifestation of the loud, nasty little voice in the back of my head that has a harsh, but accurate opinion every time I look in the mirror. Because of you, I have finally made peace with the idea that I will stay single until I die. Peace is a good feeling.
I suppose we all need to keep ourselves in check from time to time, so thank you. It’s probably why I like having you around here and there.
I agree, morbidly obese individuals are quite disgusting. I like watching them eat about as much as I like watching two hippos fucking, and I get angry when I see large marges using scooters because their cankles overlap their walking shoes. I can’t tell you how livid I become when I see obesity listed as a “disease” rather than a lack of accountability…much like drug addiction and alcoholism. If I had a dime for every woman I have to weigh at my work that groans and gets angry with me for even asking her to step up on the scale when it’s “obvious” that she is overweight, I’d buy every fat woman a treadmil within a ten mile radius of a Mc Donalds.
So it’s been established that fat women suck and don’t deserve male attention, especially yours.
Why give them any attention at all? All this blogging and ranting on forums won’t suddenly make them accountable. It would be nice if it were that simple, but it’s not. So long as they have society and gay men to tell them they are beautiful no matter what, they will continue to eat donuts and whine alot.
I would love to see you take on something truely horrible, like Oprah… or chomos.

22 02 2010

I don’t think I’ve ever said fat women don’t deserve male attention. Attraction has nothing to do with and often runs counter to merit. It is much easier for a hottie (a 9 or a 10) to get away with being stupid, wrong, bitchy, obnoxious, or any other negative adjective you can come with than it is for a 3 or a 4. For this reason the best thin girls used to be fat and a woman who peaks (in terms of beauty) at 33 is far more pleasant than one who peaks at 17. This forces the homely to develop socially and intellectually to the extent that they may well be better off when the hottie becomes a former hottie. Without her beauty, she is nothing. On the other side, serial killers get more love than hard-working nice guys. Attraction is not fair. Your genes don’t care if you’re happy and God is an asshole.

22 02 2010

No, but you have said fat women don’t matter. If they don’t matter, it would make sense that they don’t deserve male attention.

Ah, good ‘ol serial-killers and criminals. There’s nothing more attractive and appealing to a woman then a deeply wounded and dangerous, male that she can love and nurture. I dunno, been there, done that. Over time I’ve developed the ability to sift out the functionally psychotic from the hard working nice guys… I certainly prefer the latter. I gag around bad people. It’s one of my “super powers”, helps keep me safe. Unless vomiting in your own mouth counts as some weird sign that you are hopelessly attracted to someone…..
On the same hand, just because a few documented women have some irrational and sick love for serial killers doesn’t mean they all do. That would be like saying just because there’s a few men on paper that are “chubby chasers” that all men, deep down, like fat women. This is clearly not the case.
Attraction is plenty fair. Genes are plenty fair. It is what it is. It’s our perceptions that are unfair.

16 04 2012
Paul Murray

“deserve”? We frame the issue in terms of what women do and do not deserve, rather than what men do and do not want. This could equally have been put “I never said men shouldn’t want a fat woman”, but these days the only argument that carries weight is what women “deserve”.

The other thing about “deserve” is the way it objectifies the male partner. A man is simply this thing that a woman arguably might or might not hav a right to. His feelings, his happiness, don’t rate a mention. Does a man deserve a loving wife? To even ask is to invite outrage. But to ask the converse is perfectly acceptable.

21 02 2010

If I’ve got to hear one more fat person claim they are fat because of a ‘thyroid’ condition I’m gonna puke. I agree with you on the projection thing. That’s what I usually think too.

27 02 2010
Weekend Linkfest – Goodbye Anakin Niceguy edition « Seasons of Tumult and Discord

[…] Caveman: Internet Mind Readers and the Fragile Fat Girl Ego, More on Feminism, Bullshit, The Weekly Standard Article, Part […]

28 02 2010
Bob Smith

If it’s unreasonable to not want to date or fuck a fat woman, it is equally unreasonable for women not to do either with short men? I’d bet far more men will fuck, or even happily date, a fat women than there are women will do the same for a short man. At least being fat is, in most cases, a reversible condition.

I think the media’s fetish for women like Star Jones is truly bizarre, like they’re trying to position her as a woman men should find attractive. I don’t know what black guys do when the subject of women like her come up, because in the female-dominated black culture I’m sure there would be hell to pay for publicly admitting you thought women shaped like her were terribly unattractive.

I do hope y’all aren’t using “fat” as an antonym of “skinny”. I don’t think skinny applies to Beyonce or Kim Kardashian, but neither are they fat (yet).

28 02 2010

This post isn’t about what’s reasonable. It’s about what is.

From my limited observations, black guys are more likely to tolerate or prefer thicker women.

28 02 2010
Matt Savage

Yea, the problem with the fat person dating site is that the regular rules of attraction are still in play, for instance if I were a fat guy I’d still want to bang a hot skinny chick regardless of my own weight. I think the same is true of overweight women, they still want an attractive male mate, and I think this issue is even exacerbated more in the online dating realm where a lot of women see to think their standards should be higher.

16 03 2010
“I’d love to be 1000lb” « Unfrozen Caveman

[…] love to be 1000lb” 16 03 2010 I shall first quote myself where I was describing the type of fat people disgust me: I’m talking about the tubs of goo who ride the scooters at Walmart when they’re buying their […]

31 03 2012
sean the IInd Esquire

I am 22 year old male who is 5′ 9″ and weighs about 220 pounds. Yes, I am fat. Recently this (fatter) black girl decided to randomly message me saying “your fat, ugly and not ok”. I sent her a bomb of an intellectual hate mail back and got banned.
I think people who objectively spread negativity at random are immoral cunts (be them guy or girl). Being fat is one thing but causing others pain because that’s a coping mechanism for their ill head that’s worse. And in this person’s mind they do not associate with themselves being fatter than me; their mind defends itself from believing that and they hypocracize and who knows becomes a serial killer of fat men.
In my defense, I have had therapeutic chemical tools for the last 3 years that made me gain 33% of my body’s weight in the process. I was a healthy 155 pounded human being. Now I weigh 220 pounds. I am confident and content and know I need to lose weight to reduce my hypertension among other things. But I guess my argument stands, pass in nice thoughts you want to communicate to others. You’ll most likely not meet anyone you talk to on the internet because the temptation to falsify info and make fraudulent dating accounts is to be expected. And someones profile photos are most likely to be outdated. And peoples sexual orientation is most likely inaccurate, especially in younger crowds.
People are testing the waters, and for our audience’s sake lets hope that someone who posted an outdated fat picture loses weight. The most important question to ask yourself is: do we want whats best for ourselves vs. Do we want whats best for ourselves and others? Helping others in turn helps You. Why not ask a fatties you’re attracted to be your work out buddy or better yet, ignore them alltogether.
hope I corrected some of your thoughts.

16 04 2012
Paul Murray

Note the fem-centricity. You can search by height, but not by weight. Women want a man who isn’t short. Men want a woman who isn’t obese.

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