Bad Advice From Dr. Drew?

19 03 2010

Last night, as I often do, I listened to Loveline for a bit. The first call I heard was from a 20 year-old girl who was concerned that she was fantasizing about other men while having sex with her boyfriend and that she was no longer sexually attracted to him. She had been with him for four years and said she couldn’t imagine being without him. He was her first and only boyfriend. Dr. Drew’s thinking is that relationships that start at 16 are supposed to end and that young people stay in relationships too long because they’re unable to recognize when they are over. His advice to the caller was that it was probably time for her relationship to be over. Guests Rob Corddry, Craig Robinson, and Clarke Duke (all promoting Hot Tub Time Machine) were agreeable to this.

I have a lot of respect for Dr. Drew and have learned a great deal from him, but I’m not so sure I agree I share his view. I have said before that I think too many people stay in bad relationships for too long, but that isn’t necessarily what’s going on here. From what I’ve been reading (PDF) , it is common for a woman to lose sexual interest in her mate after about four years. The girl who called in sounded like she cared deeply about the guy she was with and seemed seriously disturbed by her feelings. She did not sound driven or willing to cheat or leave him. I would not advise her to stay, necessarily, but I would tell her that what she’s going through is common and that her relationship might not need to end. I wouldn’t have any suggestions on how she might regain the attraction she once had for her mate, but she might not need that. Simply knowing that her experience is typical could possibly be enough.

Of course, the guy probably needs to step up his relationship game.

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6 responses

19 03 2010
D. Lynn Thompson

It’s not uncommon by any means and, if she sticks with the relationship, the sexual desire tends to return.

19 03 2010
kidojo

they are both too young to know themselves well enough to know what they want out of a life partner, regardless of whatever biological BS explanation (yes, that is a part of it, but only a part). They should split for that reason alone.

20 03 2010
unfrozencaveman

I never said how old the guy is. I don’t think she ever said. She may well not know what she wants, but if she finds out that she wants exactly what she had, she’ll regret leaving him. As I was trying to say, it may well be time to move on, but I don’t think we can come to that conclusion based on her feelings alone.

I’m just picturing this girl 5+ years from now wishing she’d held onto the best thing she ever had. Although, in 5+ years she could be looking at herself in disbelief that she had such strong feelings for someone who was completely wrong for her. From the limited info she gave, it could go either way.

19 03 2010
virginat50

The happiest married couples I know are the ones who were high school sweethearts, probably each had only one sexual partner, married young, and are still married decades later.

31 03 2010
Milford

I didn’t understand the concluding part of your article, could you please explain it more?

15 04 2010
BassMan

I read a article under the same title some time ago, but this articles quality is much, much better. How you do this?

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