Stuff you can buy on Amazon

15 07 2009

There are some odd things for sale on Amazon.com. Check out these three things. Read the reviews and look at some of the other similarly odd items that will pop up and the mysteriously unrelated normal items that people buy after looking at this crap.

Inflatable Bondage Chair

This one only has three reviews.

UFO-01 UFO Detector

Sample reviews:

I purchased this item and am blown away by its effectiveness. I started this device up and immediately detected not one, not two, but five seperate UFOs in my immediate area. I am currently working on a way to communicate with what I assume is an intelligent species visiting our planet, but so far, I have been unsuccessful. I am waiting to see if this company will be selling a UFO communications device in the near future. If it is anything like this detector, I will be extremely happy. Thank you for a great product !

The UFO-01 detector has satisfactory range with gravitic drive type flying saucers (about a quarter mile), very good range with magnatomic flux drives (up to five miles) as you might expect.

The discrimination ability is what sets this detector apart, however. The detector was not fooled by time machines, stargates, parallel universe jumpships or transporter beams.

I don’t know why some people are hating on this device. I purchased the UFO-01 Detector some time ago and so far it has been 100% accurate. I have not seen any UFOs and it has not detected any UFOs. It doesn’t get any better than that!

Denon AKDL1 Dedicated Link Cable ($500 1 meter ethernet cable)

This is sold as an audio cable, as if an ordinary properly functioning ethernet cable that can transmit digital data without a single lost bit can somehow manage to degrade an audio signal in digital form. Liars have made a lot of money selling over-engineered absurdly expensive audio cables to fools over the years, but nobody’s buying this one. There are over 300 reviews.

When I opened the package containing these cables, I felt a strange magnetism as soon as the seal was broken. I was fearful, but I paid $500 for these things, and there was no way I was going to not try them out. I picked up the cables, and felt a strange surge coursing through my veins, tickling up and down until I felt a buzzing in my hippocampus. Reeling, I put my hand out and touched my television for support. Lo and behold, I was no longer watching television…I was watching my own thoughts transferred onto the television. Pornography. Pornography equal to my wildest dreams – for they WERE my wildest dreams. I saw wishes come true. Enemies destroyed. My wildest fears, my greatest hopes. It was as thrilling as it was terrifying.

I called my girlfriend into the room, held her hand, and touched the television again. She looked on in horror, watching her imagined self carnally ravage my best friend. Needless to say, she is gone from my life.

I bought four.
Yeah, two grand is a little steep, but I can work a double shift to make up for it in about two months.
Used them to tie my wife to the bed.
Then I went out to play tennis. When I came back, she was still there and she could hear better. Great product!

I’m an engineer, so trust me on this one. Sound is a wave, moving in one direction. A uni-directional cable such as this is needed for optimum listening pleasure. Some other poster, incorrectly I might humbly add, said using it backwards causes the music to play backwards. Installing it in reverse causes the 1’s and 0’s to start to clog the line since they have no where to go. As a result, you’ll get no sound at all. If you do that, be careful when you turn the cable around as all the 1’s and 0’s will come out at once, potentially overloading your ethernet connection and exceeding your ISP’s bandwidth caps.

There are many more with titles like Despite its attractive price, it’s too sensitive to galactic radiation, My husband uses it to beat me…., and MADE ME FERTLE!!

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