Dear Asshole, Volume 4

14 04 2011

The following questions are from Yahoo Answers, which is my new addiction.  My answer to each question was picked as the best answer.

Where can I purchase boxes for shipping?

I am trying to find out where I can buy boxes to ship items out. The United States Postal Service gives you a variety of flat rate boxes to choose from, however it always seems that what I want to ship will not fit into any of them. Not to mention, it is almost always cheaper to ship them in your own box. Where can I find a variety of boxes in all sizes? Some of the places I have checked only have these designer boxes in fancy colors to choose from. All I want is a selection of cardboard boxes. Any advice is greatly appreciated. Thanks!

UHaul and the UPS store sell boxes in certain sizes, but I prefer to get them for free from retail stores.  A 24-hour Walmart is your best bet if you go late at night while they’re stocking.  Tell someone working there you want boxes and they’ll probably give you a shopping cart full.  The asker was very pleased with this response.

Does it sound like this guy is interested in me?

there’s this guy i’m really into that i’ve been sneaking glances with for a while
and then someone introduced me n a friend to him, n altho he used to stare at me a lot, he was far more taken with my friend – talking to her more n making more eye contact with her.
he even goes up to her to make conversation whereas with me we both just say hi n that’s it

but he STILL looks at me!

like for instance today i was sitting with two of my friends, n i saw him (and he saw me) n we kinda looked at each other for a good three seconds before i just waved at me, then he made as if he didn’t notice it was me like he “looked closer” then waved back.. n we kept glancing at each other n stuff, n at one point he even pulled out a guitar n started playing quietly to himself (which is really out of character).

but then today he walks by my without as much of a glance.

does it mean anything? could he possibly be interested in me, but is just more taken with my friend because he feels awkward around me maybe? or am i just beating myself up for nothing?

This is very typical of Yahoo Answers.  “Does he like me?” is probably the most frequently asked question of all, followed by “how do I tell her I like her?” and “How do I lose X pounds in Y days?”  The lack of capitalization is also very typical.  I said:

If he’s more comfortable talking with your friend, it may be that he’s more comfortable looking at and talking to her than you because you make him nervous… because he likes you.

What I’ve been learning is that boys are usually clueless about girls and girls are pretty damn clueless about boys, most of the time.

Lesbian gf says she wants to look straight near hot guys?! What does that mean?

My gf just told me that she loves dressing gay but when she knows she is going to be somewhere around hot guys she wants to look straight. :/ would thus unconsciously apply that she wants to still look available for guys she finds attractive? Does it mean she secretly still wants to be with a guy? Should i leave this relationship? We have been together for 3 years and she has cheated on me for a guy b4. 😦

She’s attracted to guys and likes getting attention from them.  It’s not a secret at all.  It might have been a secret at one time, but it became pretty damn obvious once she cheated with a guy.

She sounds like someone who is a lesbian by choice.  I like that she “loves dressing gay.”

Americans should not care about the royal wedding?

our founding fathers led a revolution to get away from
england and have our own independence and i think its
anti american and anti patriotic to be all hyped up about
the british royal family our presidents are our royal
family so start honoring the presidents like clinton bush
obama washington and jefferson those are my royal
family who i declair my loyalty to where do my fellow
patriots stand?
This is also typical, using the site as a soapbox, in clear violation of site’s community guidelines.  I said:
I’m an American and I don’t know what wedding you’re talking about.
How’s that for not caring?
This was honestly the first I’d heard of such a thing, and I do now remember feeling the same way when I didn’t have internet and had to watch TV instead.  Back in the day, everything Princess Diana ever did was somehow newsworthy.  She seemed like a nice lady, but who honestly gives a fuck?  Now, however, I’m curious to see who’s getting married because Disney taught me that princesses are always super smokin-hot.  Let’s see…
Kate Middleton:
Hmm, she’s got a respectable body, but that face is just… not what you’d expect.  She looks kind of old to be marrying a prince.  I’m pretty sure if I was prince of whatever the hell Prince Bill is the prince of, I’d have higher standards.  She looks pretty good in some pictures and pretty blah in others, which just isn’t good enough to be a princess when you’re not born into royalty in my not so terribly humble opinion.  A princess should be one of the most beautiful women in the world.
Okay, I don’t know if posting the actual answers I used on there is a good move for Dear Asshole because I’ve found that you really need to be not be an asshole on Yahoo Answers.  The users are annoyingly sensitive to my insensitivity.