Bad Advice From Dr. Drew?

19 03 2010

Last night, as I often do, I listened to Loveline for a bit. The first call I heard was from a 20 year-old girl who was concerned that she was fantasizing about other men while having sex with her boyfriend and that she was no longer sexually attracted to him. She had been with him for four years and said she couldn’t imagine being without him. He was her first and only boyfriend. Dr. Drew’s thinking is that relationships that start at 16 are supposed to end and that young people stay in relationships too long because they’re unable to recognize when they are over. His advice to the caller was that it was probably time for her relationship to be over. Guests Rob Corddry, Craig Robinson, and Clarke Duke (all promoting Hot Tub Time Machine) were agreeable to this.

I have a lot of respect for Dr. Drew and have learned a great deal from him, but I’m not so sure I agree I share his view. I have said before that I think too many people stay in bad relationships for too long, but that isn’t necessarily what’s going on here. From what I’ve been reading (PDF) , it is common for a woman to lose sexual interest in her mate after about four years. The girl who called in sounded like she cared deeply about the guy she was with and seemed seriously disturbed by her feelings. She did not sound driven or willing to cheat or leave him. I would not advise her to stay, necessarily, but I would tell her that what she’s going through is common and that her relationship might not need to end. I wouldn’t have any suggestions on how she might regain the attraction she once had for her mate, but she might not need that. Simply knowing that her experience is typical could possibly be enough.

Of course, the guy probably needs to step up his relationship game.

Inside-out Penis

22 07 2009

I listen to a lot of Loveline. I first heard the show while in high school, maybe a year before the relatively lame TV show appeared on MTV. Every now and then he tells a caller that before they learn otherwise, young men think the vagina works like an inside-out penis, that what gets them off is what will get a girl off. Usually, he’s telling a girl that she needs to tell her boyfriend (with words) what he needs to do to get her going. The girl isn’t getting what she wants out of sex and instead of going to the person she has sex with to solve this problem, she calls a national radio show. Maybe she doesn’t want to hurt his feelings or something. Whatever, men are not fragile. Girls also think guys should always know what to do without being told.

Anyway, as we experience life, we only get to do so through one set of eyes. Early on, we pick up that other people are experiencing similar lives. We assume a lot, and we are surprised to learn when things are different for other people. We have to learn that our bodies work differently. We also learn that our minds work differently. This we learn through experience, while we’re also fed the nonsense of the blank slate – that all the differences between boys and girls are learned. Several years ago, I noticed that girls cry a lot and gradually came to realize that they’re more emotional and less rational, but just recently it dawned on me.  Men live in their logical mind. Women do not. Clearly, women are capable of complex abstract though. They’re able to learn languages and do math. They have the ability, but for a woman the logical mind is a tool, a calculator they can use when they need to do math.

I don’t know if this makes much sense, but the first person I expressed this idea to was a woman and she knew exactly what I was trying to say before I got half my words out, as though it made more sense to her than it does to me.