Why do Nice Guys Finish Last?

6 06 2012

This feels like such a cliche question to which everyone figured out the answer years ago, but it’s not. Dudes are still asking this as I type. Alex on Yahoo Answers said:

Women always talk about how they want a guy to be nice to them, but whenever i try this I get friendzoned. I’m seriously thinking that being a total d-bag towards women is the way to get them, because a lot of my friends treat women like crap, but do well with them. I always respect and try to understand women, and they tell me that I’m so sweet and cute. THEN they tell me about this guy they like who I know for a fact is a total d-bag. BAM immediate friendzone!! I’m not the best looking, but I’m definitely not totally ugly, and I’m pretty short for my age. Unless someone convinces me otherwise, I’m just gonna start being a jerk to women, because I know being nice to them will just make me “a sweet guy”. Will it ever change as I get older? I’m in high school. Do women even care about personality, because I’m starting to think they’re even shallower than we are. help me!!!

Okay, I’ll help you. First, you’re in high school and you’re presumably talking about girls who are also in high school, yet you call them “women.” Stop this! It’s weird and indicates that you deliberately misinterpret the behavior of these strange creatures. Women do not generally whine about wanting guys to be nice to them. This is something girls do.

If there’s one thing you need to know about girls it’s that they’re full of shit. Girls don’t talk to inform or convey ideas. They talk to handle and express their emotions. Their words are not to be taken seriously or literally. When she says she wants a guy to be nice, she’s expressing frustration with a guy not being nice, and if she weren’t into this guy, she wouldn’t be frustrated about it.

Girls are generally as clueless as you are about social dynamics and what they’re actually attracted to. Female humans are attracted to males with social status. Strength, power, wealth, popularity, dressing like a clown, and not giving a shit are things that convey this status. High school girls don’t understand this. They may actually want a guy who is nice without realizing that a nice guy does nothing for them. If there’s a difference between girls and women, it’s that women have a firmer grasp on who does and who doesn’t make them moist and why, and they’re also more apt to laugh at the sillier traits that work so well on younger chicks.

When a girl says you’re sweet or cute (to your face), she’s expressing the emotion she feels when she sees basket of kittens, except that you’re not actually that cute. She feels comfortable using words like this at you because they’re superficially good words. It sounds like a compliment, but, as you seem to realize, she’s actually expressing that she couldn’t even imagine liking you like that. The best course of action when you hear such words is to protest loudly and prove such accusations wrong. A completely inappropriate ass-slap during a heart-felt hug would be one way to do this. Pulling your dick out is probably ill-advised, but at least you don’t have to worry about going to real jail if you’re under 18.

Alex, things will change. Girls get a bit more sensible as they get older and become women, but this is not something you should wait or plan for. A 35 year-old woman can be shockingly childish. The big thing that will change is you. Even if you avoid actively bettering yourself with the ladyfolk, you’ll still manage to get laid by accident here and there and that will change your outlook enough to do okay.

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Beautiful Women

8 03 2010

Recently, I saw the most beautiful woman I know in real life. She is perfectly proportioned, with a back that’s always a bit more arched than it probably should be. Her ass is wonderful and her perky medium-sized breasts are great, but it’s the way that it all flows together that really does it for me. Her hair is long and dark brown. Her eyes are wide and deep brown. She is probably partly Latin, Greek, or Persian. Her nose is perfect, not unlike Evangeline Lilly‘s. She’s about 5’2″ or 3″, which is ideal to me. Whatever her body fat percentage is, it’s what everyone else’s should be. One might describe her as thin, but she doesn’t appear to need a sandwich (like a runway model). If I had a type, it would be her. Her manner is delicate and feminine, and interactions with her are always pleasant. Every word that describes feminine beauty fits her. She is pretty, hot, sexy, cute, gorgeous, and, of course, beautiful. When she is present, I find her appearance distracting. She catches my eye whenever she’s visible. I cannot think of any famous woman who is more attractive. I have heard that she has an ugly side, but as long as I don’t get to know her any better than I do, I’ll probably never see it.

I did ask her out once. She said her boyfriend wouldn’t like that. That’s probably for the best. For now I can simply admire her beauty as something I like about the world.  I can’t see how she or anyone else could actually live up to the image I have of her.

Because they can get away with it, very attractive women are very often horrible people. They often fail to mature socially the way most women and almost all men have to. I think this failure to mature can even help explain the phenomenon of hot chicks with douchebags, as more socially evolved women flat-out roll their eyes at the excesses of douchebaggery. There definitely are exceptions, but I think it’s a good rule of thumb (for me, at least) to ignore those who are (or carry themselves as if the were) the most physically attractive. When Adam Carolla was on Loveline, any time a girl would speak as if her words were more valuable than his own and Dr. Drew’s, he would accuse her of being hot. I think he was right, and they never said he was wrong. Hot girls are used to people paying attention to them and are accustomed to others paying attention to what they say, regardless of its importance. This is not simply an issue of men consciously trying to sleep with them; it’s that people who are aesthetically pleasing to others subconsciously garner more sympathy/empathy, and an adorable little girl can get away with anything. I remember how when my younger sister was very young, both of my parents had difficulty in scolding her because her cute smile would have them both gushing. Ugly children might not have it so easy, but at least they learn that bad behavior has negative consequences.

While I really want women to understand how important their own physical beauty is when it comes to being attractive to men, I also don’t want them to think perfection is necessary or even desirable. The most recent woman I fell for is quite attractive, but she has some significant imperfections. As I got to know her, these became insignificant. Actually, they pretty much vanished. Occasionally, I still run into her, and I still see that person I got to know. I see more than just what shows.  As I get to know people, they tend to look either better or worse. I think this can even get to the point that it doesn’t matter at all what someone looks like (like maybe after a few decades of a good happy marriage). I suspect this happens with everyone, but people don’t talk about it much.





I Love the Following Things

16 12 2009

1. Women – There is nothing more exciting in life than an attractive and interesting woman who likes me. I’m addicted. They come in a variety of colors and flavors.

2. Chipotle – I’m talking about the burrito chain, not the sauce. In fact, I don’t really like chipotle sauce, but the place that shares the name is amazing. I could live a long happy life if I could eat nothing but their burritos. I order mine like so: Barbacoa, rice, black beans, double hot, sour cream and cheese. Before Chipotle came along, the only place I ever had a burrito like this was in California and they were never quite this good. Men’s Health gives them a hard time for the size of their portions being so large. Well, fuck Men’s Health. They’re fucking stupid. This chain uses the best quality ingredients and their massive portions mean I can go many many hours before I need to eat a candy bar or some other horrible thing.

3. Lamb of God – This is probably my favorite band. They only seem to get better with time, although I wasn’t hugely familiar with them before Sacrament came out in 2006.

This is the first song I ever heard from them:

The my new favorite LoG song is Choke Sermon. There’s no video for it, but you can hear it on their myspace page. The chorus riff is fucking amazing. They’ve been criticized for making new songs that sound just like their old songs, but I think this song really got to me precisely because it reminds me of stuff I already like.

4. IceHouse – At about 18, I didn’t enjoy the taste of beer all that much, but “ice” beers went down pretty smooth. Now, I enjoy beer and Icehouse is the one cheap beer that I actually like. Sadly, the Walgreens I used to buy it from stopped carrying it.

5. Cab 281 – As a poor person who has to drink beer, I sometimes drive a taxi cab to supplement my regular income. I like driving around in former police car Crown Victorias, but they don’t always ride that well after 250,000 miles or so. Cab 281 shows 170,000, but it handles like a sports car. It’s the most impressive cab I ever drove and one of the most impressive cars I’ve ever driven, which probably isn’t saying all that much. I would happily drive this car every day.

6. The Internet – I like the internet in general, but I’m really talking about shit like this.

7. Gorjira – This is my other favorite band. They manage to tie grindcore to groove in a way that more than makes sense. Their songs get in my head like no other bands’. There are tons of metal bands out there these days, and almost nobody listens to any of them. Many are very good, but they’re mostly copies of each other. Gojira stands out. Very coherent. They manage to sound very original without being weird.

Click the video and read the comments to see how alone I’m not.

8. Carne Asada Fries – You can get these from Filiberto’s, Riva’s, and most other drive-thru burrito shops the Phoenix area, probably anywhere in the Southwestern US. It’s French fries, with a ton (ok, not a ton, but easily a pound) of Carne Asada, cheese, sour cream, guacamole, and as much red hot sauce as you care for. It makes a great lunch, but it’s absolutely mind-blowing as a drunken 4th meal. Please don’t tell the queers at Men’s Health about this.

9. Mad Men – This is the best show on TV, and you’re lame for not watching it.

10. Xbox 360’s controller – Far superior to the PS3 controller.